its been a challenging semester

It’s been a few months and a lot has gone on. This semester has had so many more challenges than last semester. I suppose I should have been anticipating it since all of the former students warned all of us that this was going to be one of the hardest years of our lives. First semester was so smooth sailing I had no idea what I was getting into coming back this semester. There has been so much spiritual warfare and for a long time, I was giving Satan the victory. However God’s really been at work in my life and finally I’m starting to overcome and I’m giving the victory back to God.

So about a week after we got back here, all the students went to camps for two weeks to help out and practice our Spanish. I was sent to Camp Brittany both weeks. I absolutely loved it there. It was run by the people at the Spanish speaking church I attend on Sunday mornings which finally gave us a great opportunity to get to know everybody.  The first week of camp, all the campistas (the campers) were between the ages of six and eleven. And I absolutely loved it I felt like I was using a lot of Spanish and not having to think about it too much either. I talked to a lot of the campers too, they absolutely loved the gringos (white people). The second week, the campers were between the ages of thirteen and eighteen. Although I didn’t feel as involved with the campers by helping with them, I realized that I have a passion for the jovenes (the teens) here in Costa Rica. I never would have ever imagined that. Ever. I have always been such a little kid person but, I really love building relationships with the teenagers here. They are the ones that my heart aches for. The kids are still so innocent but the teens; they each have a story, and most of the time it’s written all over their faces. At camp, I realized that I have a purpose here in Costa Rica and that meant I knew I would be back at some point.

Little did I know that God had in mind that I would be coming back this upcoming year. I got back from camp the second week and Andy asked me to come into the office and he asks me if I would be interested in coming back as the intern next year. I was shocked and scared and excited and confused and about a billion other emotions all at once. Not only was I being asked to come back but I found out some other things about the internship that I just wasn’t expecting. As soon as Andy finished talking to me, I walked out to the front porch where my friends Ben and Madison were sitting and I just started to cry. At that point I did not want to be an intern and I just didn’t understand what God’s plan was through all of this. After talking to Ben and Madi for a little while, I started feeling better about it. However, I still wasn’t completely convinced I wanted to do it. That night I prayed about it and I woke up feeling more at peace about it. I called Mama and Daddy and talked to them about it and they pretty much implied they wouldn’t be supportive of anything else but me coming back down here next year. I prayed more about it and I talked to Andy later that evening and I told him I was going to come back. I think that was the only time I have actually been excited genuinely excited about coming back. (Yes, im still struggling with the idea that I’m going to be back here next year but it’s getting better.) Just about as quick as the excitement came it left again and the spiritual warfare has been relentless since.

Shortly after telling Andy yes bout coming back, I completely lost all desire to be here this year and forget about next year. I had no idea why God wanted me here, I felt so alone, I was believing lies about myself that I dealt with all throughout high school, my Spanish wasn’t improving. I just wanted to be home. I spent the majority of the next two weeks alone in my room having pity parties for myself. I slept a lot more than usual and just completely wasted my time. I couldn’t get myself to journal or write letters, I just didn’t want to do anything. I soon realized I was being pathetic and that I was just making things worse for myself because I was isolating myself. So I started returning to the villa and hanging out with people but I still felt miserable and I had zero joy and God didn’t seem to care about me anymore so I was on my own. I started living to make myself happy for the moment and was acting really immature. I mean there is only so much you can do here but I pushed the rules and fought my conscience. And ya know what? It only made me feel even more miserable. It took the death of one of the sweetest human beings I have ever met to let God be in control again. Mireya, was one of the ladies who worked at the villa she had the biggest servant’s heart I have ever seen. She was energized by helping others. When Eron had us all gather in the living room Thursday morning, he told us that she had been having stomach issues and that she refused to go to the doctors for a while and she had died early that morning. We were all dumbfounded. People started crying and others were mad and there I was, no emotion at all, I was completely numb. I stood up furious at God. Why was he so distant? Why did he stop caring? Why was I so miserable? Why was I in freaking Costa Rica? I went to my room and I started writing a letter to God just telling him how mad at him I was and how confused. Not too much longer after that, the lyrics “I need you to soften my heart to break me apart I need you to open my eyes to see that youre shaping my life” came to mind and I broke down and was alone crying out to God with my face down on my bed sincerely praying, apologizing, giving control back to Him. I felt as if 681 tons of bricks were lifted from me. God was in control again. A few days after that, I had to lead a group to this town called Gaucimo (about1 and 30mins away by bus). I had only been there one other time and I was scared to death. The group I was given was a challenging one for anybody. Saturday March 2, 2013 I woke up at 5:30am so that I could be ready to leave by 6. I was so scared I could hardly eat breakfast. I thought for sure I was going to throw up. I spent that whole morning praying to God to watch out and help me be a leader and for the group dynamics. I still had very low expectations for this week. We get to the bus station and are waiting in line and Bethany (one of the SCORE missionaries who is regularly at the villa) shows up and she said she was coming with us. God was in control. It turned out to be a fantastic weekend. I really don’t think it could have gone any better.

That following Wednesday, I decided to fast and God really used that time completely bring every part of me back to him. Since then I have been so on fire for learning more about God. I have two designated times that I read the bible each day and I am genuinely upset if I miss one. This afternoon I had trouble putting down the Bible because I just wanted to keep reading and learning more about God.  God is at work in me. I still have a long long ways to go but as scared as I am for what He has in store I am ready. I am praying that God will be working in my life so that I can be the best friend, daughter (to my parents and God), sister (to my sibling and brothers and sisters in Christ) that I can be. I am ready for the challenge. I know God is on my side and I can do all things through him. I am also really struggling with being selfless. My pride needs to be completely wrecked. Please come along side of me and be praying with me for those same things.

Other Prayer Requests:

The group dynamics of the interns next year.  Ben, Hope, Garrett and I will all be returning as interns and the devil is working so hard to tear us apart.

Group unity, there are just about 2 months left here and there is still so many people who have not completely showed up here.

My Spanish

Wisdom about what to do this summer

If you have any questions or want to know about something just comment and I will write another blog entry about it.

i love it more and more the longer im here...

Okay so once again I have a boat load to catch yall up on. Okay so where to begin? Okay well ive been doing pretty well overall. God has been good about keeping me healthy and not missing home too much. Sure there are times when someone will say something and itll make me think of something at home but other than that ive been okay. so ministry has been absolutely amazing even tho my group leaves before most other people are even up and it involves soccer which are both things I struggle with (early mornings and soccer) I am soo in love with the kids there. Sylvia (the girl giving me a piggy back ride in my profile picture) and I have a lot of fun every Saturday. This past week we were being cheerleaders and doing the Macarena together when our teams weren’t playing and we like to joke around together. I scored my first goal this past week as well haha it was pretty shocking to be quite honest. I don’t think anybody expected it haha. I love hanging out there I could go on and on but im just going to move on. So I don’t remember if I talked about this in my last post and im being to lazy to go check so ill just talk about it anyways. So I have a second ministry immediately after soccer. I go with two other guys from my church to los guidos and hang out at the youth group one of the men from church has there. that’s been a lot of fun too, however it makes for a super lone day. This past week I was away from the villa for 11 ½ hours before I got back. So youre prayers for energy would be amazing if you ever are thinking of me for whatever reason on Saturdays.

 

Bible was really good this past week. We had a guest speaker, micah carter. Such a great guy. Very wise. He spoke on some very challenging topics. Definitely got me thinking deeper and on a different level than I have before. One of the topics was election and I was so mad at God about it for a few day until I got a chance to talk through it and figure things out with help from bekah. Im still struggling with comprehending everything, but im not angry at God if anything im more in love with him.

 

A few weekends ago I went to sarchi with a small group of students and we were split up and put into tico homes for the night. At first I was so homesick. I don’t know if ive been as homesick since ive been here. I wasn’t really home homesick,  I homesick for the villa. I guess this is really home now. I realized it when I caught myself calling it home a few weeks ago. But anyways … sarchi ended up being one of my favorite things so far. I was speaking more Spanish than I even knew I knew. I can’t wait to go back.

 

The rain hasn’t been too bad I guesss last year there were a few weeks were they didn’t see the sun at all. It hasn’t been close to that at all. It usually rains every afternoon but that’s not always the case. The weather has been kinda chilly to me but I guess its better than being home. I just wish I had more wardrobe options haha. I can’t wait to go to target when I get home. I literally miss that store more than my bed sometimes.

 

Oh I suppose ill tell you about my birthday. It turned out to be a great day I was so afraid I was going to be homesick the whole time but it was the complete opposite. It was probably one of my best birthdays. I got lots of food for presents which were all happily accepted. It kind of started Sunday night, im always the last girl in my room and like usual I was and I walk into a pitch black room and next thing I know there is a super bright flash in my face and the another and another. The the lights went on and a lot of the girls were all gathered in my room and were yelling happy birthday and they had covered my bed in happy birthday notes. After all that died down we all went to bed. Monday is our free day so it was a super nice day to hve a birthday. I just hung out around the villa all morning then for dinner the ppl in my ministry group took me out to dinner it was a lot of fun. I felt very loved. I was supposed to sye my family but I didn’t get back in time so that didn’t work out… oops… (I was able to skype mama, Kristin and holly the next day tho)

 

I have so much trouble writing these because I feel like everything is always the same here. But I hope you enjoy it as poorly and jumbled as it is.

heres an update

Okay so I have been a huge slacker and I have been really bad about keepin yall updated. So I have a lot to cover now. 

CLASSES:

There have been 2 weeks of classes so far. They have been pretty good for the most part.

Spanish:  I feel like Spanish has just been a lot of review and what not but its helped me to remember more Spanish. I am still by no means good but I can have a basic conversation with super bad grammar. I prolly sound like a three yr old but I guess that’s a start. How the classes work is we start homeroom at 8:15 and then from there we break up into our Spanish classes. My “classroom” is new this year. Its really just in the hall in front of all the guys bedrooms. But, it works. There are 9 students in my class and so far its been going really well. We have an hr of class and then everybody has a break for  10 minutes then we have another hour of class then a break. Then we switch teachers and have an hour of class then a 10 min break then one last hour of class then its lunch. After lunch we have time to relax until its time for bible at 2.

Bible: bible has been good but I am having trouble figuring out how to take stuff away from it. I have never really had bible classes and I don’t know how to learn from them. the easiest way I can come up with to explain this is i feel like being preached the bible and taught the bible are 2 different things and I am having trouble with this way of learning. Like john preaches on Sunday nights at the English church and I absolutely love it, the man is a bible genius. But in class its just been going way over my head and I cant seem to figure out what im supposed to be getting out of it. But overall the teaching has been solid and I cant wait to be able to really understand everything.

 

SATURDAY MINISTRY:

I love the ministry I have been put in. I was a little apprehensive since its based round soccer but I love everything about it. Well maybe not everything, we leave at like 7.30. so that kinda sucks haha but its so much fun and the kids are great. I feel like I am already building relationships even tho. The kids range from 7ish to 15ish. So it’s a pretty big age group. They haven’t been the exact same kids but for the most part they are. We are in a semi sketchy part of town but we haven’t had too many problems yet.  Although, this past week the van was broken into and a backpack stolen but Jairo and all the kids chased after him and they got it back. That’s the only trouble we’ve had. The first week was a little scary because all these neighbors come out and watch the kids play but im pretty sure that’s just because its some of the most excitement they get all week. I was just recently asked to do a second ministry immediately following my morning ministry. Im not entirely sure what all ill be doing but Ben, Matt and I will bbe going to another impoverished area to hang out with teens. Im really excited to see how it goes.

CHURCH:

            el lugar: Sunday morning church has been going okay so far. Its pretty boring because I cant tell what they are saying. I cant wait to be able to learn the Spanish language well enough to be able to follow it. i don’t think ive made it through one service yet without catching myself dozing off. I try to keep myself awake by reading my bible but it doesn’t always help haha. 

          guadalupe gathering: English church has been really good so far I absolutely love it. a few weeks ago John talked about hypocrisy and it was rather convicting and I just felt like I needed Mrs. Cooper so badly and I got kind of homesick but I was able to manage without her.

SMALL GROUPS:

My small group is on Thursdays so I have free time on Tuesdays which is nice. For s,all groups everyone is going through the book of john. Ik I said a different book last time but that’s cuz I was informed incorrectly apparently. So we just started that and im not too sure how I feel about it. ive never really done a directly from the bible bible study and so this is something new and I have to get used to it. I feel like my group doesn’t really have the trust we should have yet so thats kinda holding us back too I think.  

ODDS AND ENDS 

Okay so I feel like ive been here so much longer than 3 ½ weeks, its crazy how fast time has been going. I still absolutely love the staff, probably more so now than I did 2 weeks ago. It has been hard letting myself confide and letting myself be okay opening up to them. I felt like I was almost breaking a bond with my mentors back home in a way and it has been so hard not having them here. Not having Mrs. Cooper here who knows more about me and my thoughts than most people in this world. That’s been one of the hardest things and in all honesty it has brought me to tears a few times. Its been hard to be real with somebody I don’t really know. Yes Sonya is absolutely amazing and I love her dearly but she doesn’t know my history and hasn’t seen me in my highs and my lows (yet). But I have concluded that finding mentors wherever I am is going to be something im going to have to do the rest of my life. Im not always going to have the same person available to me and ive also realized that one person cannot give me everything I need spiritually.

PRAYER REQUESTS:

Okay so im not going to get too detailed on here but message me if you want more details and ill let ya know whats up.
Okay so…
1)      Trust in my small group
2)      I am able to figure out how to learn in bible class
3)      My pride
4)      Distractions
5)      That im not a distraction
6)      My prayer life
7)      Self-discipline
8)      Ability to learn Spanish
9)      Friendships/patience
10)   (even though im scared to put it) opportunities for spiritual growth and that I see the opportunity and act on it.

week number 1

hey everyone, i made it to the villa safe and sound. not gunna lie it has been a super hard transition for me. i never really experienced that super excited i just wanna get down there feeling that everyone else seemed to have. i felt like i as the only one walking off the bus once we arrived at the villa that wasn’t excited. and that feeling of being alone in a foreign country with a bunch of strangers scared me to death it took everything inside of me to not burst out in tears. if it weren’t for my friends hope and alex, i probably would have spent this week laying in my bed curled up in a ball crying wanting nothing but to go home. alex has been one of my best friends for several years now and even tho i was so mad at him at first for signing up for the gap program (selfish, i know), i couldn’t imagine being here without him. hope i just recently met at the beginning of august. God was in control and worked it out that i would be able to meet her prior to the trip.  i was so upset when i found out she wasn’t in my room but we have been put in the same small groups and assigned to the same church and ministry, which was a super relief. don’t get me wrong, i have been making other friends but she and i have really been able to connect. i feel like i have known her my whole life haha.

so heres a little intro about the staff:

andy and tina: andy is one of the directors and tina is his wife. they have 4 little kids and live like 2 minutes away. andy sort of reminds me of my youth pastor jake haha he’s a good guy. i haven’t really gotten to know him too much but he seems chill. tina is fairly busy with the kids and pops in every nw and then with the kids. she’s a sweetheart.

john and rebekah: these two are jut about the cutet people ive ever met. john is crazy smart and i cant wait to get to pick his brain. bekah and john have a 3 month old baby boy so she is busy with him and pops in and out like tina. i cant wait to get to spend more time with her.

both tina and bekah like being involved and love passing their children around.

sonya: sonya lives in the villa and is around a lot which has been great.

there are 4 interns brandon, eron, courtney and sydney. i haven’t really been able to get to know them very well but they seem super chill.

anyways so we got down here last tuesday and like i already said i was immediately super homesick.  the day overall went very smoothly tho.

WEDNESDAY there was more orientation and we walked to the bank to exchange our american money for costa rican. after the bank we took busses into san jose to get a feel of what it looks like down town. later that evening, we found out our small groups. my small group will meet every thursday and consists of me, hope, becca, and steph. our leader is sonya (she is absolutely amazing) from my understanding in small groups we will be digging through the book of romans though out the year.  once we found out our small groups we split up and my group played 2 truths and a lie then went around and told a brief testimony and something that we are struggling with right now.  after that we had freetime for a while then it was bedtime.

THURSDAY was the start of our spanish evaluations. they literally took all morning it was so boring. we we started with a multiple choice test then once we finished that we moved to another area to wait in line for the  oral test. it went fine i just thought it took forever. after we all finished those, we had lunch. after lunch it started down pouring. some people left to walk to one of the little stores down the street but a lot of us sat around in the living room for an impromptu worship time. it was kind of cool to just be hanging out like that. after the rain had died down some i left with another group to go to the store. sometime around dinner, our church groups and ministries were posted. i am going to el lugar with 9 other people on sunday mornings for church. and will be working this a missionary named jairo with a 4 other people working with kids and teens in high risk areas. i guess a lot of it will be playing soccer so this shall be fairly interesting haha.

FRIDAY we found out what spanish class we were put into and had our first mini lesson. sometime that afternoon, sebastian came by and talked to us a little about costa rican culture and he shared his testimony. sebas is not too much older than most of us here and he has a good relationship with the staff here. his family owns a pizza place a few streets over so he has been in and out of here a few times already. i was on kitchen crew meaning that i had to help clean up from lunch and help prepare serve and clean up dinner. there are 7 groups of 5 students and we will rotate days throughout the year.  so after lunch, a group of us went to the store and got ice cream at pops after we came back we  had dinner and shortly after that we made s’mores then we just hung out for the rest of the night.

SATURDAY we went into san jose for independence day. they hyped up how it was going to be this huge parade and then we get there and it’s a bunch of school kids haha it was kind of a let down bu it was still fun. once we got back it was mostly just free time. a few other girls and i went to sonya’s room and did nails. after dinner was a game night. that was a lot of fun everybody was put on a team and had to come dressed in the color their team was. it was nice to have that bonding time with everyone. afer the game everyone just chilled until bedtime.

SUNDAY was a busy busy day. we went to our spanish churches. that was rather challenging to stay awake through haha. after church my group went to the mall to get lunch. then we walked around a little. then we rode back had some free time then went to the english church led by john. that was really good. it was the first time we heard john. i cant wait for his bible classes. he kind of reminds me of my brother ben, i feel like they would get along pretty well. sunday was a late night because monday is our day off so we get to stay up later.

MONDAY i woke up and a bunch of us went to the university which is about a 10 min walk to play ultimate frisbee. we all started trickling back a few at a time until it was lunch time. then we had lunch and a bunch of people left to go get smoothies but i stayed behind because i had already made plans with sonya to go for a walk and get them. so midafternoon sonya and i left and we talked it was so great! we were gone for a while and i told her what i was struggling with here already and talked to her about myself and she talked to me about her family and how she ended up here. after that we came back and talked even more until dinner time. im soo glad that i have been able to already find somebody im comfortable sharing stuff with. last night was another chill night and we were all just kind of doing out own thing.

overall its been a pretty chill week we didn’t have too much going on so there was a lot of down time. but classes started today so hopefully there will be more to report next tuesdayJ

prayer requests:

patience

no distractions

 

its crunch time

exactly one week from today i will be leaving my home to start the trek down to atlanta with mama and daddy. these next seven days are going to be filled with trips to target and packing going up and down stairs so many times you get dizzy.  i still have so much to do its not even funny. i have to pretty much do all of my packing and having to figure out how on earth im going to fit everything for 3 months into my suitcase. i still need a laptop. and trying to make time to say bye to everyone seems next to impossible. i am stressed but at the same time i have this weird peace that i know is only from God. last night was the first time i have actually cried about the seemingly impossible task of getting everything done in time. but shortly after i started, i asked myself why i was letting myself get so discouraged and why was i letting the devil have control of my thought process. i started quoting a verse i learned way back in 4th or 5th grade at vbs. im not sure of the reference but the verse says "he comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others with the comfort he has given to us." over and over i was quoting that, he comforts us in all our troubles. he comforts us in all our troubles. what a wonderful promise. as i then started to pray, philippians 4:6-7 (that reference i remember) came to mind dont worry about anything but pray about everything. tell God your needs and thank him for all he has done then you will experience God's peace which is greater than anything we can understand. thats exactly what i did. i put the situation back into God's hands rather than doing it on my own and told him exactly what was going on and immediately i had that peace again. it is one of the most incredible things in the world.

alright well im headed to the mall to get some last minute clothes. please continue praying for me this week especially.

how it all began

 missions has always been a very important part of my family and its importance has been instilled in not only me, but my three siblings as well. for about the past ten years, my family has gone down to north carolina for an average of ten days. however, while down there we don’t do the “normal vacation-y” stuff, we volunteer at the jaars center which is part of wycliffe bible translators. i am usually assigned to housekeeping with my mom and sister, but i have also served in the day care they have for the missionary kids as well as the kitchen. i have also been a part of a team of a little more than 20 students and leaders that went to costa rica for a short term missions trip during the spring of my junior year. it was on that trip i found out about the gap year program and thought it sounded like an amazing opportunity, but it wasn’t for me. i was going to school to be a special education teacher; i had known that since seventh grade. however, god had another plan for my life. it wasn’t until the beginning of my senior year that i really started second guessing my future and questioning whether it was my plan or god’s. it was october, during the mission’s conference, that i knew for sure i was being called back to costa rica. it started off with a skit that i had been asked to be a part of.  my character was in the position of figuring out what she was going to do with her life and was having a conversation with God. i don’t think i ever expected that skit, any skit for that matter, to be so real and life changing. God really used that skit to speak to me. it was so amazing to realize how clearly i could hear him. but it wasn’t until a week or two after that that i really committed my future to God.  i was still holding onto my plan of going right to college, it was comfortable. not too long after that i was at youth group and the worship set that night was so convicting and i knew that i had to give my plans to God and let him lead me. the song that really affirmed God was calling me back to costa rica was i will follow you by chris tomlin.

where you go, i'll go
where you stay, i'll stay
when you move, i'll move
i will follow...

all your ways are good
all your ways are sure
i will trust in you alone
higher than my side
high above my life
i will trust in you alone

where you go, i'll go
where you stay, i'll stay
when you move, i'll move
i will follow you
who you love, i'll love
how you serve i'll serve
if this life i lose, i will follow you
i will follow you
light unto the world
light unto my life
i will live for you alone
you're the one i seek
knowing i will find
all i need in you alone, in you alone

in you there's life everlasting
in you there's freedom for my soul
in you there joy, unending joy
and i will follow

consider yourselves warned

disclaimer: i am not good at this type of thing and im by no means an english major. so these may possibly be the worst pieces of writing you have ever seen in your life (hopefully a little better than most letters to the editor in the syracuse post standard- im making no promises tho). my grammar and spelling as well as punctuation and capitalization will make any english teacher cringe, quite frankly i dont care:) this is just a way that i thought would be easiest to keep everybody up to date on whats been going on while im in costa rica.